SUCK IT, Monkeys ... I'M Going RePublican!

dominican republican, that is.

enjoy your drizzly, drab high of (maybe) 60 degree week, bitches!

my all inclusive, cocktail laced week at a lovely 5 star resort shouldn't suck. too much.

fyi: there's still room in my bed for a +1. ah, i'll a cabana boy'll work out just fine...

i'm actually going here for a friend's wedding. shadia and i were roommates nearly 10 years ago, my first year down in minneapolis, my first year at the UofMN. while she's been in chi town for 7 or so years, we've kept in touch and i really wanted to make this trip happen. these types of resorts are 1. romantic, 2. expensive, 3. lonely, iffin you have no one to travel with. why am i going??? how am i going???

i'm so maternal and love children so much, so i'm part-time nannying two&a half year old twins!!!

i know, i know! you're thinking, those poor children - they won't survive a day, much less a week... well, let's hope this comes not to that. we fly in tomorrow and my duties are limited to helping out on the plane (which is Great cause i NEED distractions while in the air, as we all know, i'm terrified!), then i'm free for the evening. i get the lil rascals friday night (and 3 other nights of 7) for all of 3 conscious evening hours while maNpa do dinnerNsuch. the wedding is sat and i get to help out during the ceremony, since ma is in the wedding as sister of bride, then i'm free. 1 daytime round-them-up-and-don't-kill-them session will occur midweek. ...das it.

oh yeah, and (breaking all sorts of guinness world records) there will be nearly 100 in attendance for this crazy, unprecedented (size-wise) destination wedding. grandma will be hovering, aunts and friends will be doting, i will be surrounded by various assistants. that reminds me (as if it hadn't crossed my mind) F the cabana boy - groom jeremy has a ton of friends going... where was i going with this before daydreaming sidetracked me? ummmm i got it - all that said, breaking this down by the hour, i think i'm clearly a winner!

shall report on the week after it goes down :)

it's an addiction. of love.

here's a plug for one of the top sitcome comedies EVER!

jack: lemon, women your age are more likely to be mauled at the zoo than get married.

lemon: good to see you! bye!

lemon: didn’t that mom turn out to be a prostitute?

jack: that doesn’t mean she can’t be a wonderful, loving MILF.

tracy: you don’t have to live your life like this – you can be a freaky deaky AND do data entry!

lemon: weddings are so weird, this veil costs more than my couch.

cerie: is that comedy or do you really have a 300 hundred dollar couch?

lemon: both.

lemon: this is my year. I mean Floyd’s moving on. I’m moving on, too. I’m just doing it in my own order, I’m gonna get the wedding dress, and then I’m gonna have a baby, and then I’m gonna die, and then I’m gonna meet a super cute guy in heaven!

lemon: no, that’s not a thing - you can’t be gay for just one person. unless, you’re a lady …and you meet ellen.

tracy: jack, have you ever been to knuckle beach? it’s a totally different world. a world where orange soda is an acceptable substitute for breast milk.

tracy: BUSH?!? now, I don’t want to go off on a rant here. (silence)

frank: I’d like to make an announcement! I just want to say that I’m really sorry for whatever I’m going to do at the party tonight, and I forgive all of you in advance for leaving me passed out by the elevator in my own gravy.

kenneth: Dot Com, I have an idea.

dot com: well, I don’t know, but it’s worth a shot.

jack: what are you doing in the city? are you drawn to the fallic nature of our skyline?

jack: so what do you do with your money? put it into a 401K?

lemon: yeah, I’ve gotta get one of those…

jack: what? where do you invest your money, liz?

lemon: I have like 12 grand in checking.

jack: are you an immigrant?

jenna: …but I’m on tv!

head page: I Said Good Day!

jenna: no you didn’t.

head page: well, I meant to.

jack: never go with a hippie to a second location.

kenneth: no sir, this is my mistake. I will replace your pants.
jack: They cost 25 hundred dollars.

kenneth: I will find your pants.

lemon: I don’t want to be racist, but that pita pocket might be a terrorist! does that sound racist?

jack: thank you for an incredible night.
cc: really? did you have a good time, cause I really did.

jack: unbelievably good … and thank you for letting me try that thing I tried. I’m sorry I dropped you.

cc: no, no – it was great. I mean, who knew that ottoman had wheels, right?

2 minutes later…
jack: gave her the ottoman and she walked out.

jack: harlem?
cc: I’m working out of the Clinton offices for a few weeks - I’m helping hillary retool her universal healthcare platform.

jack: god, I want to kiss you on the mouth right now to stop you from saying such ridiculous things.

lemon: oh, it’s worse from behind. I’m on it.
jack: she needs to loose 30 pounds or gain 60. anything in between has no place in television.

lemon: I can’t believe I missed you.

jonathan: jerry Seinfeld is here to see you.

jack: you told me he was in Europe … does he look upset?

jonathan: he looks the way you did when I tried to hold your hand on the jet.

seinfeld: here’s some business, how ‘bout I buy NBC and turn it into the biggest lane bryant in midtown.

jack: HA AH! jerry come on, you gonna buy NBC like you’ve 4 million dollars just laying arou…

lemon: no one cares. move. you’re blocking me. I’m trying to get somewhere real!

indexed

well, once again the weekend is here! a hooray! and ... a plan:

hopefully this won't be necessary after by monday. no, the alcohol will take care of the need for laxatives, i'm 30 so pimples are few and far between - if i can stay away from the luce around 2am, anyway, & i'm not dignifying the other with any mention :p

the one night stand often equates the position of the ski lift:

i should rethink...
why i must resort to the first index card.* blerg.

* this is not true. but funny.

where have i been??? you ask... IM-ING!

i've discovered the gmail instant messaging service and
it.
is.
good.
it's really been a hectic, confusing, entertaining, story-filled and wild few weeks - it must be talked (typed) all out, constantly. caitlin and i are likely to be "let go" soon, but it has been worth it. lots. i'd paste a string of the hours and hours and hours of chatter, but to protect the annonimity of others (actually, ourselves because of the wrong, negative and dirty things we mention :)
anyone wanna join the fun?
bobbiloblawslawblog@gmail.com me!