ashes to ashes, i all fall Down

no one can accuse Me of being incident prone (example 1, example 2) ...Example 3!!!
well, i was pretty zipped (wink wink & a ha ha, C), which came from throwing back a couple glasses of wine on an otherwise empty and growling stomach, but Still! i mean how many'a time have i been in said state and Not fallen? millions.
that last stair just leapt at me!
that ...ORrrrrr blame can be laid upon the glimmering, darting black cat under foot, the sparkly shiny rhinestone sandals reflecting in my eyes, Else the sparks from the grillin action. perhaps?!?
probably not.

PLUG alert:

the ting tings will be playing at the varsity on august 4th. they don't suck. this song&video you will love? yes, yes you will. then there's an award for the lowest budget for the best song going TO... but, whatever. see you there!

oh and (a random thought alert!), i take that back! death cab's new album (narrow stairs) might be the best yet (it's battling for first in my mind with plans).

-ThisAlertHasBeenBroughtToYouByBD-YER-RADIO

i've been jones-ed after!

i may have been told most recently that someone's been jonesing for me. very generally, i coulda told you what that meant, but now i know just how much that meant/means? ...according to the urban dictionary, anyway:

jones crack hanging nico streashing jizz craving drugs malorni fiending addiction withdrawl jonesin' taboo excited enthusiastic feen itching fiend forbidden like a jew on shrimp sperm joneser indiana jones

1. to have a strong need, desire, or craving for something. see also: jones (desire for something that may be sought irrespective of the consequences...)
ex: sheeeit beeeitch after smokin' dat weed i'm jonesing for some grub! shaniqua is mad jonesing for rasheed, dat bitch follow him around everywhere.

2. craving; wanting

ex: i'm jonesing for some sushi.

3. the act of needing something badly. usually related to chemical dependency.
ex: i've been jonesing for a joint all day.

let's summarize! i've been compared to sushi & drugs (both Highly addictive (and scrumptiously yummy!?!)) AND needed/wanted at most any cost...

so, am i flattered?
hellz yeah :)

does that pic indicate a joneser? probably not quite... -it'll be my lil spin (assumption) that that's what it Must mean.

SUCK IT, Monkeys ... I'M Going RePublican!

dominican republican, that is.

enjoy your drizzly, drab high of (maybe) 60 degree week, bitches!

my all inclusive, cocktail laced week at a lovely 5 star resort shouldn't suck. too much.

fyi: there's still room in my bed for a +1. ah, i'll a cabana boy'll work out just fine...

i'm actually going here for a friend's wedding. shadia and i were roommates nearly 10 years ago, my first year down in minneapolis, my first year at the UofMN. while she's been in chi town for 7 or so years, we've kept in touch and i really wanted to make this trip happen. these types of resorts are 1. romantic, 2. expensive, 3. lonely, iffin you have no one to travel with. why am i going??? how am i going???

i'm so maternal and love children so much, so i'm part-time nannying two&a half year old twins!!!

i know, i know! you're thinking, those poor children - they won't survive a day, much less a week... well, let's hope this comes not to that. we fly in tomorrow and my duties are limited to helping out on the plane (which is Great cause i NEED distractions while in the air, as we all know, i'm terrified!), then i'm free for the evening. i get the lil rascals friday night (and 3 other nights of 7) for all of 3 conscious evening hours while maNpa do dinnerNsuch. the wedding is sat and i get to help out during the ceremony, since ma is in the wedding as sister of bride, then i'm free. 1 daytime round-them-up-and-don't-kill-them session will occur midweek. ...das it.

oh yeah, and (breaking all sorts of guinness world records) there will be nearly 100 in attendance for this crazy, unprecedented (size-wise) destination wedding. grandma will be hovering, aunts and friends will be doting, i will be surrounded by various assistants. that reminds me (as if it hadn't crossed my mind) F the cabana boy - groom jeremy has a ton of friends going... where was i going with this before daydreaming sidetracked me? ummmm i got it - all that said, breaking this down by the hour, i think i'm clearly a winner!

shall report on the week after it goes down :)

where have i been??? you ask... IM-ING!

i've discovered the gmail instant messaging service and
it.
is.
good.
it's really been a hectic, confusing, entertaining, story-filled and wild few weeks - it must be talked (typed) all out, constantly. caitlin and i are likely to be "let go" soon, but it has been worth it. lots. i'd paste a string of the hours and hours and hours of chatter, but to protect the annonimity of others (actually, ourselves because of the wrong, negative and dirty things we mention :)
anyone wanna join the fun?
bobbiloblawslawblog@gmail.com me!

ice's fault and i do mind

falling down can be fun. funny.
mostly, though, it's not.
this past week has brought me two solid diggers.
matt! weren't we just talking about this at HH two weeks ago?!?!? can you say jinx? yes he can.




i was ice fishing near st peter 2 saturdays ago with andy, brian and lora. we didn't have an ice house, so, without red carpet laid out nicely, the only thing between my feets and a frozen lake was nothing. not remembering that, lora was the first to biff. hard.

after switching lakes and switching empty cocktails

out for full ones several times, I forgot that i was parading around on ice.

ice, being slick, is slippery. after 1 quick attempt to regain balance, down i went. the bruise on the left hip is still not done spreading in width and morphing into an interesting shade of dark dark dark puke green. the hole in my right hand has scabbed nicely, however!

wednesday i met up with joe to reminisce about the joys (loathes) of law school. after a delicious dinner, we figured a night cap at a different establishment seemed appropriate. we parked the vehicle near the curb, street side. i thought it best to hop the snowbank onto the clear, safe sidewalk on the other side of this slippery jaded mound. off i took .... before i knew i was even falling at all, all wind was out of my lungs and my thoughts went straight to (after a quick assessment of whether or not paralysis had suddenly set in) the fact that i have no health insurance, and this situation likely would benefit from ownership over it. a martini helped. 2 days of living through it and sucking it up (along with a daily doses of 2200mg ibuprofen) helped. my whining did not, but, yet, i did it.

40 degrees last weekend!!! yippers :)
-old man winter needs a restraining order assigned to his ass...

mello the yellow

so, caitlin comes over one saturday before we hit the town for the evening. i pour some wine and settle in on my bed, which is just off the bathroom where C's in front of the mirror getting pretty, to gabbity. this lasts for some time, then it's my turn to flatten my poofy hair. i wander into the bathroom and notice the bowl has not been flushed since it was last, uh, used.

anyway, good thing this wasn't a neighbor, a first date or the pope seeing the dirtied bowl. just caitlin. no biggie. words were exchanged as:

me: opps - i forgettied to flush

caitlin: oh, i just thought it was mellowing

me: what?

caitlin: -thought it was mellowing

me: What?

caitlin: you know, yellow let it mellow - brown flush it down

me: (soft) chuckle, (growing) giggle, (crescendo-ing) ha Ha!

how could i have let that happen, you ask? well, odds are i was on the phone & didn't want to flush, having you hear. that's right, i'm a busy girl. i do lots of things on the go & i do lots of things while i'm going ;)

odds are, i've peed in front of you, with you, well ... sort of.

some of my many, many (many!) talents include:

i can do so many things. it's really, truly amazing. are they talents? superpowers? maybe miracles, but whatever...
just read!

1. i read books while i wander the skyways, when getting to and fro work. i really zoom when i walk, eyes focused on pages or not. slow pokes beware, i'm barging through! there has never been an accident because of my great sense of self, dynamite peripheral subconscious peepin and probably everyone else being extra cautious thinking i'm a crazed hazard. you'd be full of wonderment watching!

2. i only wash my hair once a week! it just doesn't need it - there's no greaseyness, no oily slickstered style about it and no flakey mess. in fact, it's at my favorite, ease-of-styling-wise, at about day 5. but, after 7 days i figure ... it just must be time. now gentleman, this may not seem like a jealousy enraging feat to yous, but to the other ladies of the world, naw na now nah na ha! however, when i do decide it's time (often early in the week), it is a small endeavor i must commit to, which takes mucho time deal with. so, if you call on tuesday and get an "i'm busy. i'm washing my hair," take it as the truth - no time for much else that day.

3. i park. i park well. it's almost magical how as i near and pull up to my destination, someone will make way for me. i'm at about 99% for getting the parking spot that even a rockstar'd be jealous of. if you're in need of this service, i'm selling.

4. i don't lose things (except for winter outer ware accessories - i always lose those). my level of responsibility can be measured well and accurately with one example, one which every female with pierced ears are thrown aback by, and it is also one which mostly anyone can at least appreciate. it is: i still hold possession of the earrings i had my ears pierced with in second grade ... fronts and backs. near miracle, no? naw. i'm just that good.

5. i can drink. i can down a liter of water in one swift moment! but, as impressive as that is, we all know that's not what i mean ;) i can cocktail impressively in the following ways... a. i am pretty sure these words do not need to be in my vocabulary - rally, buck-up, oh-come-on; b. i'm reliable, you know it and you take advantage of it (not that i mind) - i don't think i've ever used the excuse "i'm too tired" or "i have to get up early" nor "i'm sick as hell;" c. and the one you've all been waiting for ... i'll drink you under the table, or at least 90% of you - my skills have been proven to many, but for those of you underexposed to them, i invite you to join in a gathering soon.

6. i get what i want. musically only, sadly. i did end up going to the mgmt show, yah? -was it luck? was it skill? was it sexual prowess? regardless....that update is under the mgmt post - a dosie, fo sho. another instance: back last fall snow patrol played at northrup along with ok go & the silver sun pickups - the show was sold out and i wanted in. i turned to my favorite source, craigslist.org & success was found in an ad that went something like this: me and my girlfriend have an extra tix for the show ... we're just giving it away to the person with the most creative response. my email contain some suggestive language and ideas of lacking sobriety and humor, of course, so I WINNED!

7. the superpower of freezing people with my eyes, well, lemme temper that with... that's what matt suspects. -possibly one icy glance and they be stuck- quite the gift if i can get it to work.

no. I'M dangerous.

there a few things that i do that might freak you all out. no, not in a creepy way, well, maybe there are some things that would freak you out in a creepy way, but we're not going that direction today. -future blog topic, noted. anyway, these actions i take will freak you out in a how-does-she-even-dare-do-that-crazy-shit??? kinda way. i know i'm not the only one with these sorta unknown, not quite secret shockers - jb has announced his wild side on not one, but two occasions. watch out - he's a crazy mother F-er!!!

• i wear my (supposed to be) weekly disposable contacts for waaaaaaay longer. i have yet to feel any sort of repercussion, disease or crusties, so i will continue.


• i've been driving with a nail in my tire for many, many months now. i go like 80. with passengers. without all the possible percents of attention. jammin. you've been warned.


• i take a thinning sheers to my own hair. with no training on the subject matter.


• sometimes when i know i'm dangerously close to running out of the greatly necessary home supply of toilet tissue, i steal a roll from the lady's potty at work on my way out. likely near grand-theft-paper by now - totally a legal term.


• i feed my cat Roundy's brand cat food! ya know, that generic stuff from rainbow that's like 4% the price of anything that's probably the bare minimum necessary for proper bone growth and nutrient absorption and overall health. i know what you're thinking ... "ahhhhhhh! you serious about that or that some lunatic 'joke' that's not near funny. i'm sooo calling the human society! F that, i'm calling the cops! maybe the mob should hear about this, you monster! you deserve every suffering you get!!!" But, before you do that, just know - damn her poo don't stink & she's uber soft, so...


• i ride the bus


• i ride the #18 bus


• i waiting for the bus in negative degrees with caitlin 2 nights ago. granted, this dangerous act's boldness was tempered by the super-power, alcohol. wasn't so cold.


• i bought, and USED! the epilady. i knew it was a near certain death adventure, but i forged the experience like i was brave. oh. my. gawd. that hurt. mistake, but definitely made me stronger ... and even more dangerous.

keep your guard up. i'm out there.