july, the four

you should see this office. it's pathetic in a red/white/blue streamer, plastic flag on a stick, patriotic t-shirt kind of way. i'm embarrassed... but, Happy Holiday!

the plan: kirsten, dan & i are getting in a vehicle, 1 hour from now and we're zipping on down to chicago :) i believe we are going to ... well, i have NO idea what we're doing. it's been promised that a fabulous agenda has been laid out. -including fun in the summer sun at the beach!

likely the cocktails will flow, as well. dan may be training for a triathalon, but i know i'm not! now, i just need RW&B dealies (i'll get pics) to wear on my head :)

and even though i'm very, super & completely unimpressed by firework displays, they'll be out in full force. i'll turn my back on them. i promise.

SUCK IT, Monkeys ... I'M Going RePublican!

dominican republican, that is.

enjoy your drizzly, drab high of (maybe) 60 degree week, bitches!

my all inclusive, cocktail laced week at a lovely 5 star resort shouldn't suck. too much.

fyi: there's still room in my bed for a +1. ah, i'll a cabana boy'll work out just fine...

i'm actually going here for a friend's wedding. shadia and i were roommates nearly 10 years ago, my first year down in minneapolis, my first year at the UofMN. while she's been in chi town for 7 or so years, we've kept in touch and i really wanted to make this trip happen. these types of resorts are 1. romantic, 2. expensive, 3. lonely, iffin you have no one to travel with. why am i going??? how am i going???

i'm so maternal and love children so much, so i'm part-time nannying two&a half year old twins!!!

i know, i know! you're thinking, those poor children - they won't survive a day, much less a week... well, let's hope this comes not to that. we fly in tomorrow and my duties are limited to helping out on the plane (which is Great cause i NEED distractions while in the air, as we all know, i'm terrified!), then i'm free for the evening. i get the lil rascals friday night (and 3 other nights of 7) for all of 3 conscious evening hours while maNpa do dinnerNsuch. the wedding is sat and i get to help out during the ceremony, since ma is in the wedding as sister of bride, then i'm free. 1 daytime round-them-up-and-don't-kill-them session will occur midweek. ...das it.

oh yeah, and (breaking all sorts of guinness world records) there will be nearly 100 in attendance for this crazy, unprecedented (size-wise) destination wedding. grandma will be hovering, aunts and friends will be doting, i will be surrounded by various assistants. that reminds me (as if it hadn't crossed my mind) F the cabana boy - groom jeremy has a ton of friends going... where was i going with this before daydreaming sidetracked me? ummmm i got it - all that said, breaking this down by the hour, i think i'm clearly a winner!

shall report on the week after it goes down :)

so THAT's where all the pretty people are!

who knew? apparently they've been hiding HERE. and fyi, they don't wear jeans. none of them do. lesson learned.
nor do they carry any, ANY extra weight. you must be concave to join the festivities. i kept my coat on.

what was funniest to me about it is that one gentleman we were with, who is from Naples Fl, thought that this was normal for clubs around here. ummmm. no.

my friend toni invited me to this event. she knew basically everyone, the little social butterfly that she is. there was yummy food (and plenty of it (remember: concave?)) & dj-ed music & dancing & rich people with fancy clothes with fancy cars with fancy jewels, scantily clad. i fit right in. next event, i'll let ya'll know (pending board approval of prettiness) if you're, too, "in." good luck!!!

despite how it seems i have received that evening, i did really enjoy it. there were many nice people there whom i hope to run into again. and i felt like i was on vaca. definately a south beach vibe. fun!

big & scary: The Details

ok so the morning of our last day, our day-trip day brought with it a temper temper-tantrum thingy. RIGHTLY so cait! mi ladie called to confirm that the vehicle'd be ready for us in the am (the later am as she called at 2 am), but the f-ers had us booked for the same day of the month only in sept. yes we're calling at 2 to be sure our car will be ready 1 month and 7 hours from now. yes. idiots. (avoid payless rental!)
so a bit behind schedule we got into our shitty small suv Suzuki or something, whose tranny sounded like it might actually bottom out and we'd leave it behind, whose cd player refused to play after 3 hours of a 10 hour car trip - biatch, and began our journey, our adventure, our gc viewing. no directions, huh? caitlin, pretty sure that was your gig - whatevs - Francis will Help! nope. he will not find the number online to "contact us" us being the rangers, a recording, someone who'll navigate us there. his act of "help" was to text two cranky and hungover (at least i was ... or was that just still drunkness being aggravated? i can't tell) gals excited to be heading to the treacherous, highly adventurous, and secluded north rim that "cooper said n rim = pain in ass & 2 Extra hours driving compared to s rim." not exactly the kind of information that we called for! he called back with directions, which we got on our own from a ranger who was telling us the same damned thing, and we thought for his safety we wouldn't answer. perhaps that's why it was so quite at the nort-siiiiide - everyone is wrongly told it's a pain in the kisser.
side note: why's it called "the kisser" ??? oh, and WE LOVES YOU FRANCIS! just not at that moment we didn't. we didn't love anyone. caitlin especially didn't love me after this: she went into a travel place to get a map while i spoke to the ranger - when my conversation with derrick downer was over i noticed the keys in the ignition and just had to do it. i go inside and say "you took the keys, didn't you?" the look on the poor girls face ... made it soooo worth it ;)
ok we're back. a jack in the box lunch later we both felt quite a bit better, yet fatter. the scenery only continued to get prettier and ruggeder as we traveled. we decided to go through zion national park and drove through a mountain and everything! did i mention i'm afraid of heights? so here's where there's a clash - i like the scenery and would love love love to enjoy it but the edges of the road were oh so dangerously close. putting blinders on to miss the nearness of a potential plunge to ours deaths inhibits the scenic view just above that darned bottomless portal below. what's a girl to do?
ok so we Finally get there and bobbi's a lil nervous, cause no joke, this hole is big. we went out to bright angel point - caitlin skipped (in flip flops), while i slowly side stepped. i wasn't expecting to be so ill and scared, nevertheless there it was. we made it to the tip where there's a nice 270 degree view - Very beautiful! only problem - it made me icky inside and the car ride back was less than awesome. yeah the one without music. we sang.
how could I?!? i almost forgot the moon - caitlin happened to look over her shoulder when driving and directly behind us just coming up off the horizon was non-other than the moon in all her glowing glory. it was the size of ... well, the moon, but it Looked HUGE! later too once it was high in the sky we couldn't help but notice how voluminously illuminatory it was - it was neon white, like those annoying headlights that a few annoying folks have - ya know, the neon white ones. was it the desert clean air? was it the latitude we're not used to? i not sure, but look!

we're monsters

1389 is our worth, eh caitlin? ...not bad.
well the trip was Busy and fun and worth it:
we started our Classy vacation freshening in the hilton bathroom with suitcases open, things slightly strewn (one woman's muttered comment: what the hell's going on in here? is this really such odd behavior to deserve that? i think not) and then buffeting at mcdonalds - at least an interesting vegas style golden arch, but the relentless screaming child drove us and All the other patrons out. in hindsight we've decided caitlin shoulda thrown an endless (at least til dad stopped his yeller) scream over her shoulder into His ear - thata been a solid kodak moment.
we ventured down the strip and found a hot hawaiian firedancer and plastic guitars filled with juicy sweet cocktails; a perfect starter for the evening.
after a quick change it was time to head out for the evening. we began with martini's at wynn's parasol - Such a pretty lounge (ch ch check it!). then there was poker & Super highroller blackjack watching. another bar we sat down at produced 'movie stars' at our sides (well ... one and two lines in the recently released disney movie high school reunion - hardly deserving of a celebratory trip to vegas??? whatevs). we ended up at a destination where we received more dances of sorts than Anyone really needs. oh, and more drinks than Anyone really needs - to keep up with the weekend's $ filled motif they came from bottle service, of course. i found myself talking to a performer working her 3rd shift, but what she Really wanted to do was to go to college - typical sad story. my subtle and suave posit: well, cover up them boobies and get the F outta here then!
after walking out of the 'club' at some sun-up-already hour we slept til noonish before bounding (yes bound - i can muster all sorts of energy when on vacation. well, actually i can do it mostly whenever the hell i want) down to the condo pool. ps: we knew to go there cause our host left us 3 notes we repeated every time we steeped over them ... "pool. the. at." then, quite timely, the rains began to fall, no not fall, they were thrown down ... by i think a nbl pitcher. perhaps we were being punished by the gods for our sins? so, what the hell else to do but drink? we didn't know either, so we went with the default - for me, whiskey/sours at the pool side bar. after a lil veggie pizza and a couple drinks the gods forgave us (likely because sinning in sincity ain't technically a sin) and let the sun shine through. the 3 of us played a ridiculously exorbitant amount of catch in the pool on floaties with 3 tennis balls - this lasted for Hours - really.
the time came to deprune and pretty ourselves for the night out ... BUT First! champagne & hor'devours & a jacuzzi with bubbles! well ... the coronas were itty, the snack consisted of doritos and the 'bubbles' were only clouded bath water from a dove bar. we try to be sheik, but are not always as prepared to create posh situations like we'd like to be.
ok - dresses are on, hair's stick straight and we're out the door. the grapefruit martini is almost as delicious as the pear one consumed the night prior and i'm in heaven at aquaknox. i thought he was kidding, but the host led us into the circular wine room to din at the chef's table within. had no idea we were VIPs. the 3 digitly priced white wine we had was flippin fantastic - it put my boxed pinot grigio to a wee bit of shame and now it'll never taste the same again, which sucks cause at the rate with which i consume and offer out the stuff it's right about at what i should afford. the sashimi app was to die for as were the other 2 meals at the table. i ordered the sea bass - ok, when ordering sea bass aren't we all expecting the most tender and thick slab of heavenly buttery goodness? i received a whole fish with his sad pathetic little eyes apologetically staring at me. "i didn't order This!" we'll take it back and open it up, cut off its head and dry the hell out of it for you. would that be better? nnnnnO. it sucked.
we decided to hang with (i mean be a part of) the young hipity crowd at the hard rock next. here is where my gambling started, then ended almost before it started. how's That, you might ask. well it's easy: take your 40 dollars out and lay it on the 10 min table. in 4 consecutive hands ... lose. over. several hands later my gentleman neighbor (A cute RockStar from a theory of a deadman!!!!) antied up for me. 2 queens?!? awesome! no no. i went ahead and lost that too. F.
our gracious host (and i) was (were) saddened to hear that we were not going to be joining him at tryst. why didn't we do that again? oh yeah - travels to the big hole in the am. damn, thata been fun (and up'd our worth, caitlin!).
gawd this is getting long - i will now start a new note all about the big hole. sit tight.